You're Drinking Coffee Wrong!

Let’s have a quick intervention, shall we? Because statistically speaking, you probably woke up this morning, rolled out of bed, opened one eyeball, and immediately funneled a cup of coffee into your bloodstream like it was oxygen. And listen, I’m not judging. I am you. I love coffee, now more than ever, as a new mommy. But I also love nervous systems, hormones, and not feeling like a shaky raccoon by 2 PM, so here’s the truth: Most people are drinking coffee completely wrong. And no one told you. Until today. Hi, yes, welcome to class.

1. Your Coffee Beans Are… Kinda Toxic

Not to be dramatic, but the big corporate coffee brands? The ones with drive-thrus wrapped around the block at 7 AM?

Yeah… those beans are most likely:

• Sprayed with pesticides

• Stored for months

• Oily from low-quality roasting

• Moldy (yes, the M-word)

• Blended with inferior beans to keep costs low

Basically, you’re sipping “wake-up juice” with a side of environmental toxins.

3 of the Worst Offenders

(Based on common independent testing for pesticide load + mold concerns)

• Folgers

• Maxwell House

• Nespresso non-organic pods

3 MUCH Better, Cleaner Brands

• Purity Coffee (gold standard of mold-free, pesticide-free beans)

• Kion Coffee (high-quality, tested, smooth)

• Bulletproof Coffee Beans (cleaner sourcing & limited-toxin roasting)

If you make coffee at home, upgrading your beans alone can change everything: jitteriness, migraines, anxiety, gut issues, all of it.

2. Your Coffee Order Has More Calories Than Your Breakfast

If your coffee order is:

• “Let me get a venti caramel double-pumped brown sugar cold foam iced latte, add sweet cream, and make it upside-down.” Sweetie…That’s not coffee. That’s adult dessert. Most Starbucks-style creations are:

• 300–700 calories

• 40–60g of sugar

• Zero nutrition

• Literally equivalent to a pastry but disguised as a beverage

This is why you “aren’t hungry until 2 PM”, your body is too busy digesting liquid birthday cake.

3. The Worst Thing You Can Do: Drink Coffee Within the First Hour of Waking Up

I know. I KNOW. I’m dragging your identity right now. But here’s why:

Your Circadian Rhythm Needs Time First

During the first 60 minutes of the morning:

• Your body naturally spikes cortisol

• You’re supposed to rehydrate, ground yourself, and stabilize blood sugar

• Your stress hormones are already rising to wake you up

When you add caffeine on top of that?

Double cortisol → more anxiety → more jitters → worse energy crash.

Especially if you haven’t had water yet.

4. And Don’t Even Get Me Started on “Coffee Without Minerals.”

You know how coffee makes you pee like you’re auditioning for a hydration commercial?

That’s because caffeine is a diuretic — it flushes out mineral electrolytes like:

• Sodium

• Potassium

• Magnesium

If you drink coffee before restoring those minerals, you’re basically setting your nervous system up to malfunction.

Cue:

• anxiety

• shakiness

• nausea

• brain fog

• irritability

• “I hate everyone and everything” vibes

A pinch of sea salt + trace minerals in your morning water? GAME. CHANGER.

5. And Please Don’t Drink It on an Empty Stomach

Coffee on an empty stomach:

• spikes cortisol

• spikes adrenaline

• spikes blood sugar

• irritates the gut lining

• ramps anxiety

• and makes your hunger cues inconsistent all day

Even a small breakfast stabilizes your system before caffeine hits:

• eggs

• oats

• chia pudding

• yogurt

• chicken + rice leftovers

Anything with protein + carbs.

6. The Safest Way to Consume Caffeine (If You Want Stable Energy)

Use this checklist, and your nervous system will send you a thank-you card:

✓ Hydrate FIRST: At least 10–16 oz of water with a pinch of minerals, lemon, or electrolytes.

✓ Eat before you sip:15–30g protein + slow carbs works beautifully.

✓ Wait 60–90 minutes after waking: Let cortisol do its thing without caffeine stacking on top.

✓ Choose clean beans: Organic, mold-free, single-origin if you can.

✓ Avoid dessert drinks: Save the whipped cream, caramel sugar bombs for actual celebrations.

✓ Stop by 2 PM: Protect your deep sleep cycle.

7. Caffeine Isn’t Evil, It Just Needs Intention

🌿 Pros of Caffeine (When Used Correctly)

• boosts focus

• enhances workouts

• increases metabolic rate

• improves mood

• supports dopamine and alertness

🔥 Cons of Caffeine (When Used Like a Goblin)

• worsens anxiety

• spikes cortisol

• dehydrates you

• disrupts hormones

• wrecks sleep

• irritates your gut

• makes you chase highs/crashes all day

It’s not about quitting coffee. It’s about giving your nervous system a fighting chance.

8. My Coffee Ritual (The Hormone-Friendly, Holistic, Delicious Version)

I make my own espresso shots at home.

My flavorings are real and intentional:

• Pure vanilla extract (calming + antioxidant-rich)

• Raw cacao (mood boosting + magnesium)

• A drizzle of real maple syrup (minerals + natural sweetness)

It tastes rich, clean, grounding, AND doesn’t send me into a cortisol tornado.

Coffee gets to be a ritual — not a survival mechanism.

Coffee isn’t the enemy. But the way most people use it? It can be. Treat caffeine with respect, hydrate like a goddess, eat real food, choose clean beans, and your energy will feel stable, powerful, and intentional.

And when you’re ready, I’ll show you how to make the best hormone-friendly espresso at home.

xoxooxxo Jade Morning